Dear friend,
Here’s my hot take of the day/decade: Manifestation is a tool of the patriarchy.
Manifestation sells so well to women because it lets us feel like we're taking charge of our lives without ever actually having to do anything.
Stay quiet, be good, get your vibration right, and the universe will reward you.
It's presented as radical self-empowerment. But look at the actual instruction: visualize, believe, wait. You're not taking any action. You're not making decisions. You're not taking any risks.
Real agency is uncomfortable. And that’s the part manifestation lets you skip.
The self-improvement industry has always been very good at keeping women busy without giving them agency. There's always another practice to add, another thing to optimize, another reason the life you want is just around the corner if you do this one more thing correctly.
Manifestation is the spiritual version of that. It gives you something to do – journaling, visualizing, scripting, affirming – that feels meaningful and purposeful but requires nothing from you in terms of actual risk or taking up space or being “un-ladylike” by going after what you want..
You never have to make a decision that might not work out. You never have to try something and fail. You never have to face the discomfort of genuine uncertainty about what you actually want and whether you're willing to go after it.
And when it doesn't work, the framework conveniently blames you. Your vibration was off. You didn't believe enough. It's always something you failed to do correctly.
Sure, sometimes manifestation seems to work. And there's a reason for that – it's just not the one the industry claims.
When you think something is possible for you, you feel differently – and take actions based on those new feelings. You notice opportunities you'd have dismissed before. You take risks you'd have avoided.
And you may get the results you want … because you took action.
It has nothing to do with vision boards or crystals or the universe rearranging itself in response to your vibration.
And the other problem is, manifestation only offers new thoughts, without teaching you how to genuinely believe them.
You can repeat an affirmation every morning and feel nothing, because your brain knows when you're saying something you don't actually think is true.
That’s why thought work gives you a proven process for building new thoughts your brain can actually get behind, so the feelings and actions follow naturally.
Thought work is slower. It requires more honesty and deliberate action.
Manifestation keeps you busy without any of that. It's comfortable. It's easy to sustain. And it keeps you exactly where you are.
One of these is empowerment. The other is the exact opposite. It's a modern version of the oldest instruction women have ever been given – be quiet and wait.
Mindset win of the week:
Ashley shared a major breakthrough as she’s learning more about thought work:
“I have always been very cerebral, living in my head to the point of near-constant dissociation all my life. Yet the concept of thought work, taking responsibility for my own thoughts, never occurred to me! I guess I was overidentifying with my thoughts, instead of realizing I had the power to control them & work them to my advantage to create peace & coherence in my life.
The tactics, frameworks & questions Kara has taught us this week are absolute game-changers.”
What we’re loving this week:
I’ve been asking my team to share some of their favorite books, indulgences, and more. Here’s what Jenny, our Project Manager, is loving this week:
“Nuuly. It’s my secret wardrobe superpower. I get to test-drive fun new pieces and full outfits for special occasions without paying full price, and I feel like a superhero every time I suit up. When I’m done, everything goes back in the bag. And if I fall in love with something, keeping it is easy.”
I’d love to feature your faves in an upcoming newsletter. Reply to this email and tell me what podcasts, shows, products, or indulgences you’re loving right now.
How to go deeper this week:
Is Take Back Your Brain still on your TBR list?
My NYT best-selling book is the evolution of my years as a feminist coach and academic, leader of a membership community that's 3,000 members strong … and of course, my lifetime as a woman and owner of a smart brain I'd been battling with for most of my life (until I discovered thought work).
If it's still languishing in your To-Be-Read pile, let me ask you …
Do you want to build authentic confidence and love for yourself – without constantly trying to "fake it 'til you make it"? This book will show you how.
Do you want to love your body at any shape, age, or size, without feeling like you're gaslighting yourself by saying you're a gorgeous, perfect, beautiful goddess into the mirror 100 times? This book will give you the tools.
Do you want to have better sex and uncover how to advocate for your own pleasure without feeling like a weirdo? Oh yeah, that's in this book.
Do you want to feel confident around your finances and stop losing your mind with anxiety every time your accountant asks about your savings strategy or your taxes? Yep. You'll find that in the book.
If you answered yes to any of these questions, get a copy of the book and crack it open today!
>> Click here to get your copy now. <<
Here’s what’s on the podcast this week:
UFYB 535: Coaching Hotline: Hyper-Vigilance & Comparing Myself to Every Woman We Pass
Do you find yourself comparing yourself to every woman you see when you’re out with your partner? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I show you why that isn’t a personal failure, and how to build a sense of your own value that doesn’t depend on anyone else’s approval.
UFYB 536: How to Stop Avoiding Your Problems (Classics)
Avoidance has an excellent short-term track record. You skip the uncomfortable conversation, your brain rewards you with instant relief, and the problem quietly grows while you feel better. In this Classics episode, I share a story from my own life about how much worse a problem can get when I decide not to look at it, and why your brain stays so committed to avoidance even when you know it won’t make anything disappear.
Think a friend would like this newsletter? Send them this link and they can get on the list!
That's all for now – see you next week!
Kara
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