Dear ,
“Is that like a real job though?”
Someone at a party asked me this question the other day (as so often happens when someone finds out I’m a coach).
The wording isn’t always the same, but these questions often boil down to a kind of implied – or even explicit – version of, “is that actually a real thing?”
I used to dread these moments. I felt so defensive and judged. Because for a long time, I wasn't hearing a question. I was hearing a verdict.
But now, I love these questions. Today, I want to tell you what changed.
Other people's skepticism about your choices is almost never really about your choices.
It's about their own unfamiliarity. Their own risk tolerance. Their own ideas about what life is supposed to look like.
But when we're afraid of what people think, we fill in the blanks. We take an ambiguous comment or a raised eyebrow and build an entire story around it – what they must think of us, what it must mean, what it confirms about our choices.
And then we respond to the story we've written, not to what actually happened.
The people who ask me if coaching is a real job aren’t necessarily judging me. They just don’t understand my world.
Once I saw that, I could see how much energy I'd been spending managing a judgment that existed almost entirely in my own head. Overexplaining and bracing for reactions that never came.
That's the exhausting part of caring what people think – all the time we spend imagining what those opinions might be.
But now? I genuinely enjoy getting asked these questions.
When I get asked if coaching is a real job, I welcome the opportunity to educate someone who just doesn’t know much about the field.
I'm not defending myself anymore. I'm just telling the truth about something I know well and believe in completely.
I'm willing to bet you have your own version of this.
Maybe your mother-in-law glanced at your messy house and said "oh, you've been busy!" and you spend the rest of the day replaying it. Maybe you put your creative work into the world for the first time and someone said it was “interesting.” Maybe you told a friend you want to become a coach and they stayed quiet a beat too long.
Here's what I want you to try: the next time you catch yourself bracing for a judgment or replaying a comment on a loop, ask yourself – what did they actually say? Not what you heard. Not what it might have meant. What did they actually say?
Most of the time, you'll find the verdict was yours. Not theirs.
Mindset win of the week:
Patty shared how thought work helped her avoid jumping to conclusions about what her husband was thinking:
“I’m paying so much more attention to my thoughts and how they affect my feelings. I’ll catch myself making assumptions about how other people think or feel about me and I’ll stop and really analyze it and curiously look at where it’s coming from. This has defused many situations. One time my husband complained that he didn’t feel connected to me. I automatically thought he was saying I was a disappointing wife. I stopped myself and asked him more questions and stayed open. Turns out, he just wanted to spend more time with me. He wasn’t disappointed in me at all.”
What I’m loving this week
Not sure why this hasn’t blown up yet, but my husband and I both find Big Mistakes on Netflix hilarious. It’s from the same people who did Schitt’s Creek and Dan Levy kills me. Plus the sibling bickering is just SO real. And Laurie Metcalf in her element. So glad it’s already been renewed for a second season!
Curious about stepping into the world of coaching?
If you’ve been playing that “Will I? Should I? Could I become a life coach?” game (whether secretly, or not-so-secretly), I’ve created something just for you:
It’s called the Coach-Curious Prep School, and it’s happening June 22–26.
It’s for high-achieving, ambitious women who feel a pull toward coaching – but who have some doubts about whether it’s really for them.
Over five days of Prep School, on our live training sessions, I’m going to walk you through the three foundational elements you must have to succeed as a coach: the traits, skills, and beliefs that will shape your path forward – whether that means stepping into the world of coaching, or realizing this calling isn’t actually yours to answer.
Either way, you’ll walk away with total clarity.
Here’s what’s on the podcast this week:
UFYB 501: Coaching Hotline: Using Social Media to Change Your Body Image & When Your Partner Shuts Down in Arguments
Social media can be a surprisingly powerful tool when it comes to changing how you think about your body. In this Coaching Hotline episode, I talk about using intentional visual exposure on social media to improve body image – why deliberately engaging with images that reflect diverse, relatable bodies can help your brain notice new patterns, and why you want to practice these thoughts in daily life, not just while scrolling.
I also tackle how to handle when a partner shuts down during arguments – and why taking responsibility for your feelings is the key to staying grounded and connected.
Your usual Thursday episode is fresh out of the oven, too! Here’s what’s waiting for your ears this week:
UFYB 502: Why You Don't Ask for What You Want (& How to Start to Change It)
When was the last time you actually asked for what you wanted when you were nervous? Not hinted, not hoped someone would notice, not talked yourself out of it.
In this episode, I explore why women often suppress desires, needs, and wants in daily life. These patterns are deeply wired through evolutionary survival mechanisms and socialization, and recognizing them is the first step to reclaiming your voice. You'll hear why thoughts like "I shouldn't need this" or "it won't matter" stop you from asking, even when it's possible to get what you want.
If you’re an aspiring or established coach, the latest episode of The Future Coach is here:
The Future Coach — Episode 5: How to Evaluate A Coaching Certification
Do you actually need a coaching certification? Technically, no – but I really don't recommend skipping it. In this episode I break down the three categories of certification programs, their tradeoffs, and the five questions every aspiring coach should ask before enrolling anywhere.
What’s new on YouTube:
The Truth about Imposter Syndrome: Why you have it & how to overcome it
You've worked hard to get where you are. You have the degree, the job title, the track record. And yet there's a voice in the back of your head saying it's only a matter of time before someone figures out you don't actually belong here. In this week's YouTube episode, I explain what imposter syndrome actually is, where it actually comes from, and what it actually takes to change it. Spoiler: the advice you've already tried hasn't worked because almost everyone has this wrong.
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That's all for now – see you next week!
Kara
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