Dear ,
Ten years ago, I was sitting in my office dreading reviewing red-line edits of a brief, dreaming of coaching full-time – and spiraling in self-doubt.
I had spent years building a professional identity that people respected. A career with a title, a trajectory, a clear answer to "so what do you do?"
And I wanted to throw away all of that mainstream approval and security for something that most people hadn't even heard of back then?
The doubts were loud. People will think you’ve lost your mind. You probably won’t be any good at this anyway. Who do you think you are?
I almost listened to them.
Today I want to talk about what to do when doubt shows up at the door of a big decision.
But before we get there… here’s what’s on the podcast this week:
UFYB 499: Coaching Hotline: Explaining Divorce to Your Kids & When People-Pleasing Kills Real Connection
Divorce can be overwhelming, especially when you're trying to figure out how to explain it to your kids. In this Coaching Hotline episode, I walk a listener through the first stage of divorce and why starting with your own thoughts and feelings, not just your actions, is what makes the next steps clear.
In our second question this week, I tackle people-pleasing and external validation. Prioritizing other people's needs over your own can feel like love and connection – but it actually undermines your authenticity. I show you how to cultivate genuine connection instead.
Your usual Thursday episode is fresh out of the oven, too! Here’s what’s waiting for your ears this week:
500: The Two Biggest Ways Women Hold Back (& What Comes Next for UFYB)
Women hold themselves back in ways they don't even notice. This week, I explore the two biggest patterns: not asking for what you want and not telling the truth about how you feel. I break down how socialization and internalized beliefs train women to downplay their desires, soften their emotions, and edit themselves in real time, leaving them disconnected from what they actually want and who they really are.
You'll hear why these patterns show up across careers, relationships, and daily life, and why the real work is learning to notice the thoughts that keep you from expressing yourself fully.
I also share what's coming next for UnF*ck Your Brain, including new teaching episodes, interviews, and ways to engage more deeply with the work.
What I'm thinking about this week:
Here's the thing about doubt: it pretends to be information.
It feels like your brain is doing you a favor – running the numbers, stress-testing the plan, protecting you from a mistake. And so we treat it like evidence. We let it sit at the table and have a vote.
But doubts are based on thoughts – specifically, the thoughts your socialized, risk-averse brain generates when you consider doing something that breaks from what's expected of you.
And the loop it creates is exhausting. Analyzing, weighing, reconsidering, almost deciding, then starting over again.
It can feel productive. But it isn't.
You're not gathering evidence. You're just letting your anxious brain run in circles.
So what do you do with this doubt instead?
You get honest about what it’s actually telling you.
When I looked at my doubts clearly, most of them weren't actually about whether coaching was powerful or valuable or real.
They were about what other people would think. About releasing a version of myself that people recognized and approved of. About imposter syndrome – who was I to claim this ability? About not being able to guarantee the outcome in advance.
But the questions that were really worth asking were:
Does this decision align with what I actually value – not what I'm supposed to value?
Are my fears about whether this is right for me – or about what other people will think?
Am I staying where I am because it's what I want, or because it's familiar and approved of?
When I got honest, the answers were clear. I valued meaningful work over prestigious work. I valued growth over safety. I valued the person I could become over the identity I'd already built.
Coaching wasn't the absurd choice. It wasn’t the biggest risk to my future happiness and success.
Staying in a career that no longer fulfilled me was.
The doubt didn't disappear when I made the decision. But it stopped having the final word.
Because I wasn't using it as evidence anymore. I was using my values instead.
That's available to you too. Whatever decision is sitting in front of you right now, I want you to try setting the doubt aside for a moment and asking yourself the questions above.
The doubt will still be there when you come back. But you might find it has a lot less to say.
And if you’re also questioning whether you could be a coach, keep reading – I have something that may help with the doubts that come up.
Mindset win of the week:
Joey shared how knowing your “why” can help you make decisions with less doubt.
“It is invaluable to invest in learning to manage your mind.
I was able to make a really big decision without doubting myself. I knew why I was making the decision, made the choice, and didn't beat myself up afterwards!!”
What I'm loving this week:
I am a pen obsessive. I want: fine but not SUPER fine, fun colors, gel but not too gel-y (if you know what I mean).
My current favorite is the Muji Smooth Gel Ink Ballpoint Pen Knock Type 0.5.
Wondering if you have what it takes to be a coach?
If you’ve been playing that “Will I? Should I? Could I become a life coach?” game (whether secretly, or not-so-secretly), I’ve created something just for you:
It’s called the Coach-Curious Prep School, and it’s happening June 22–26.
It’s for high-achieving, ambitious women who feel a pull toward coaching – but who have some doubts about whether it’s really for them.
Over five days of Prep School, on our live training sessions, I’m going to walk you through the three foundational elements you must have to succeed as a coach: the traits, skills, and beliefs that will shape your path forward – whether that means stepping into the world of coaching, or realizing this calling isn’t actually yours to answer.
Either way, you’ll walk away with total clarity.
>> Enroll now and get the full Prep School experience for $44.
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That's all for now – see you next week!
Kara
