Dear friend,
Have you ever finally gotten the thing you wanted, and then found yourself mad about it?
The partner, the kid, the income. Or the person who tells you the truth you asked for, and suddenly you can't stop arguing with her.
I'm in that exact spot right now.
Not long ago, I texted the woman who trained me as a coach and told her I needed an intervention.
For most of my career, I was on fire. I coached myself constantly and kept blowing my own mind. Then 2024 hit me like a truck: I published a book, got married, became a stepmother, and hit perimenopause, all in one year.
I still felt like me. Just not the bold, confident version of me I like best.
She agreed to coach me. We got on a call, she got all up in my brain, and I hated every minute of it.
My brain had a rebuttal for everything. She didn't get it. My circumstances were true limitations (definitely not just thoughts). And she was a unicorn, so whatever worked for her obviously didn't apply to me.
This was exactly the coaching I'd been asking for. For years I'd complained that no one would hold a bigger vision for me and get in my face with some tough love. Then I got it, and I wanted to fight it tooth and nail.
But I'd promised myself I would be coachable. If you could already see what you can't see, you wouldn't need a coach. So of course your brain argues. It's committed to the thought pattern you're stuck in.
What I've been getting coached on is my business and my wealth goals. For women, that's deep identity work. We're taught that wanting a raise or a beach house makes us selfish, and the men accumulating fortunes they could never spend profit from us believing it.
I thought I'd worked through all of that. Then my business went a while without growing, and I started believing that what I have now is all I'm capable of creating. That my business had a set point, like a body.
It didn't register as self-blame, since I wasn't calling myself stupid or bad. I had just decided this was as big as it gets.
Then my coach texted me that I'd forgotten what a badass I am (her version had a stronger adjective).
Most people who meet me would call me one of the most confident people they know. I still needed someone with a bigger vision to remind me I'm capable of more.
Women under-believe in our own possibility, and it makes us settle for good enough – even when our lives look amazing from the outside.
That's why it helps to have someone hold a bigger vision of you, someone who can spot the thoughts keeping you small.
Whatever you want and aren't going after, the thing in the way is what you believe is possible for you. There is always a way. That belief keeps you from seeing it.
When a client leaves a session laughing but also mad at me, I know I've done my job. If good coaching makes you a little mad, it's working.
This week, write down one thing you want to create that you haven't admitted to yourself or anyone else. Then write what your life would look like if you went after it. Notice what your brain says next. If it starts arguing, good. That's your first thought to coach.
Mindset win of the week:
Sasia shared how she built something she didn't think was possible:
"In 3 months, I built & launched my business. Something I didn't even think was possible & wasn't even entertaining as an option for my life when I joined.
I don't look at the future as a never ending laundry list of things I need to do. I look at it as a blank canvas of possibilities."
What I'm loving this week:
I've been asking my team to share some of their favorite music, indulgences, and more. Here's what Rachel is loving this week:
“I’m recommending the book Whistler by Ann Patchett. It’s a beautiful novel inspired by events in her own life, and it highlights how special the relationship between a stepparent and child can be.”
I'd love to feature your faves in an upcoming newsletter. Reply to this email and tell me what podcasts, shows, products, or indulgences you're loving right now.
How to go deeper this week:
Ever thought about becoming a coach, but it feels like starting over?
Back when I was a women's rights attorney, I was curious about coaching too. I had the same questions you might have right now. Is this a real career? Do I have to quit my job? Would anyone even hire me?
Ten years and thousands of clients later, I put my answers into The Future Coach Starter Pack, a free, eight-episode private podcast. Each episode is under 30 minutes, so you can listen on a walk or your commute.
Here's what you'll learn:
- What coaching really is (and why it's not giving advice)
- The different ways to build a coaching career, including keeping your job
- What it takes to be a great coach (and why you don't need your life figured out first)
- How to know when you're ready
You don't have to quit your job to become a coach.
>> Click here to get the free Starter Pack. <<
Here's what's on the podcast this week:
UFYB 541 – Why & How to Be Extraordinary (Yes I'm Talking to You) (Classics)
Women are taught not to think too highly of themselves, and certainly not to call themselves extraordinary. In this Classics episode, I share how I caught myself making myself smaller, even while teaching other women to do the opposite, and why being extraordinary has nothing to do with being better than anyone else.
UFYB 542 – The Coaching I'm Getting Right Now
I gave you the short version above. In this episode, I take you inside the full story of the coaching I'm getting right now: why I asked my own coach for an intervention, why I argued with almost everything she said, and what it taught me about how women under-believe in their own potential.
If you're an aspiring or established coach, the latest episode of The Future Coach is here:
TFC Episode 15: Achieving Big By Planning Small
If you came to coaching after another career, your perfectionist brain may insist you should be further along by now. I share how I've accomplished some big things without ever having a five-year plan, and the simpler approach I use instead: set a specific goal that excites or scares you, then take the next necessary step, even when you can't see the one after it.
Think a friend would like this newsletter? Send them this link and they can get on the list!
That's all for now – see you next week!
Kara
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