Dear ,
For a long time, I had a very clear picture of who I was.
Harvard Law School grad. Academic. Serious person doing serious work.
I had spent years building that identity.
From the outside, it looked like I had figured it out.
From the inside… I had started to realize I wanted something completely different.
And the terrifying part wasn't the wanting.
It was what the wanting seemed to say about me.
If you've ever stood at the edge of a big change – a career pivot, a major move, a version of your life that doesn't quite match what you’ve been building thus far – you might know exactly what I mean.
Today, I want to talk about how I coached myself through it.
But before we get there… here’s what’s on the podcast this week:
UFYB 495: Coaching Hotline: Stop Romanticizing the Future & Why We Chase People Who Don’t Want Us
Do you ever find yourself planning for the future and imagining how perfect it's going to be? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I explore why romanticizing the future pulls you out of the present, and why trying to control your thoughts about someone else only makes you feel more out of control. I break down how our brains trick us into conflating circumstances and thoughts, and why happiness and fulfillment are created by the thoughts you are having now. You'll also hear why striving to reject negative emotions only gives them power, and why chasing validation from others is ultimately about how you relate to yourself.
Your usual Thursday episode is fresh out of the oven, too! Here’s what’s waiting for your ears this week:
UFYB 496: The 3 Words Sabotaging Your Goals & How to Change Them
There is one thought that quietly sabotages almost every goal you care about. And you probably don't even realize it's a thought, because it sounds like a fact. In this episode, I break down the three words that stop us from following through on what we want, and why believing this thought can make results feel impossible. I explore how perfectionism, binary thinking, confirmation bias, and motivated reasoning all reinforce this pattern, and I share a three-step practice you can use to rewire it. Changing this one thought can be the difference between quitting too soon and finally seeing the results of the work you have been doing all along.
What I’m thinking about this week
When I started to seriously consider becoming a life coach (on the internet, no less!), my brain had a lot of thoughts.
Who even does that?
What kind of person walks away from a prestigious career to become a coach?
What will all the smart, serious people in my life think?
And underneath all of those questions was a quieter, more uncomfortable one:
If I no longer want what I spent my whole life building… what does that say about me? Am I just undisciplined? Unreliable? Am I throwing away everything I worked so hard for?
That last one is the real fear, I think. Not the logistics of change. Not even the risk of failure.
It's the worry that wanting something different means the last chapter was a mistake.
But that’s an optional thought that I get to choose to believe or reject.
Here's the new thought I chose instead:
The version of you that got you here was doing exactly what she was supposed to do. She worked hard and made good choices and built something real. She deserves full credit for everything she created.
She just isn't always the right person to decide what comes next.
Because that version of you was built for a different chapter. She has opinions, yes. She has a lot of investment in the story so far. But her job was to get you here – not to determine where "here" leads.
The question worth asking isn't: Is this the kind of thing someone like me does?
Or: Does this even make sense given everything I've already built? Am I allowed to want this?
It's: Do I want this for reasons that feel generative and authentic to me?
I didn't quit law knowing I would succeed at coaching. I quit knowing that the version of me who stayed was going to keep shrinking – and that felt like the bigger risk.
A decade later, I can tell you: the leap was worth it.
It wasn’t easy, I didn’t always know what I was doing, and the people in my life definitely didn’t understand at first (and I don’t blame them!)
But I’ve built a business I love, on my own terms. I’ve helped thousands of people. I’ve created $28M in revenue doing work that aligns with my values.
And the biggest thing becoming a coach gave me?
It gave me … me.
I finally stopped letting the person I had been make all the decisions for the person I was becoming.
I learned to trust myself. To believe in my ideas. To take up space without apology.
To stop asking for permission and just go.
And that changed everything.
If there’s something you haven’t fully allowed yourself to want – whether it’s a new direction, a relationship change, or even the thought that maybe you'd make a great coach – I hope you'll let yourself take it seriously.
Your old self got you here. She did a great job.
But what you want next? That's for this version of you to decide.
Mindset win of the week:
Michelle shared how thought work led her to reevaluate her life and become a coach:
“Towards the beginning of COVID, everyone said I had it all: the perfect man, the perfect career, our dream home.
I was actually the most upset I had ever been.
I had lost 7kg in a week due to stress, I was overworking, I was on medication for unexplained heart palpitations, and my grandfather was going through cancer.
Out of pure desperation I was searching for self-help resources and found Kara Loewentheil. What she taught resonated with me so much I worked to apply everything I had learnt around the impact of our thoughts on our emotional wellbeing.
Fast forward to now: I have a work-life balance, I have a better relationship with my family and supportive partner, and I am living my dream as a Life Coach guiding my clients to CREATE a better quality of life for themselves.
Take this as a sign that you can change your life and the only thing stopping you is your thoughts.”
What I’m loving this week
If you’re a fiber girlie like me (and any woman over 40), Zen Basil Seeds are a genius hack.
Throw them into your beverages over the course of the day and you get 15 grams of fiber by the time you’re done.
If you're coach-curious or already working as a coach …
… I have an exciting announcement you don’t want to miss.
I launched a new Instagram account and a new podcast to share all the wisdom I’ve accumulated after a decade in the coaching industry.
Come hang out for real, practical steps and advice like:
- The most common misconceptions that prevent people from becoming coaches or keep them playing small in their coaching careers.
- Why AI will never replace life coaching – and how it actually increases the demand for well-trained coaches
- A five-question framework to find and vet the right coach certification program for you
- Different career paths for coaches (hint: starting your own business isn’t the only option)
>> Follow @socraticcoachingacademy for all the latest posts.
>> Follow The Future Coach podcast on Apple or Spotify, so you never miss an episode.
And if you’re struggling with the decision of whether to pursue coaching? Stay tuned. I’ve got something coming in the next few weeks that will help with that decision.
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That's all for now – see you next week!
Kara
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