| Spend more time being with your friends ... and less time trying to change them
By Emily McManus, Managing editor, TED Bill Bernat seems like a good friend to have. He also has depression; and in this frank and funny talk (with one of the best first lines ever), he gives us the do's and don'ts for being friends with someone who happens to be depressed. Like:
"One of the most off-putting things you can say is, 'Just get over it.' Great idea -- love it! It's just ... we already thought of that. The absence of the ability to 'just get over it' is depression."
It's specific, actionable advice -- and yet, one thought from his talk felt bigger than that, felt like the key to every kind of friendship and family-ship. As he puts it:
"Don't let a lack of bubbly happiness freak you out. We can be sad and OK at the same time. I'm going to say that again, because in our society, we're taught the opposite, and so it's counterintuitive. People can be sad and OK at the same time."
This last thought was jaw-dropping for me. Bill is giving all of us permission to meet our friends, family, coworkers right where they are. We don't need to re-wire their emotional state, we don't need to fix them or cheer them up. To be with them, to listen, is more than enough. For them and for us. | 
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