| | | The actress describes her bout with ovarian cancer, plus Daisy Ridley interviews the eagle huntress and more. | | | | | | | | | |  | | | | November 1, 2016 | Letter No. 58 | | | | | | | | | | | | Dear Lennys,
I have insomnia. I wake in the middle of the night to worry about things that truly have no bearing on my life. Or if they do, they aren't worth worrying about at 3 a.m. Unless you think my gym schedule is deeply important. Lately, though, I have a great reason for insomnia, as I'm sure many of you do. This election. It's killing me. I'm sure it's killing you. Watching Hillary being stalked onstage by a sociopathic moron fills me with enough anger to fill the Silver Lake Reservoir.
But in my darkest moments of rage, I try to find some Zen. I'm actually a bit of a look-on-the-bright-side-of-things person. Or maybe I'm more of a look-at-the-other-side-of-things person. I try to understand the pain in the person who hurts me to help me understand their behavior. I try to find the lesson in terrible circumstances.
And this is why, with great hesitancy, I write to tell you about something good that has come out of the Trump candidacy: people are talking about sexual harassment. And sexual assault. And racism. People are sharing the stories they never shared and telling people they never told. And we're finally believing them. As the journalist Susan Chira put it in a piece called "Thank You, Donald Trump": "Mr. Trump's words and boasts have shown millions of voters, including people who believe feminism is a dirty word, what women endure every day."
Last week, the New York Times reported that after years of keeping secrets about their sexual assaults, women were starting to share their own painful, personal tales with their husbands and partners.
On Twitter, author and screenwriter Kelly Oxford launched a call to action. She shared the story of her first sexual assault and encouraged all women to do the same. This action, under the hashtag #notokay, stirred millions of women to join her in hopes of eliminating the shame. Liz Meriwether bonded with her mother and others, laughing her way through the groping and pain.
It's a powerful moment for sharing. I'm heartbroken at what it took to get here, but awfully glad to be here.
I've written about sexual harassment before. Then the Trump story broke. And broke. And broke again. And I wondered: Would these situations have been different in a post-Trump universe? Not that the men involved would have been more educated. But maybe they would've been more scared. Like Michael Che said on Saturday Night Live, "Dear old rich white dudes, just always assume you're being recorded." Those men weren't taped (though they might have been clocked on email!). But they were witnessed. And they're not the only ones.
I'm not ready to say thank you to Trump, like Susan Chira did. I won't ever be. But I'm willing to find the one tiny glimpse of positivity that came from the terror that was this election cycle. And that will help me sleep.
Jenni Konner, Lenny co-founder | | | | | | | | | | | | Showing My Scars | | | | By Cobie Smulders | | |
Sometimes working as a television actor, someone who comes into the privacy of your home on a weekly basis, you're required to share a part of yourself with the public. This is a concept that I understand but am not entirely comfortable with. I am a very private person. My happy place is being tucked away in the Canadian woods, miles from civilization. But something happened a few years ago that made me think that revealing some of my personal life might actually make a difference in the lives of other women.
This fortuity happened when I was asked to appear topless (what the what?!) on the cover of Women's Health Magazine. I know. Not what you were expecting. Sometimes in this insane industry that I have chosen to be part of, you get these types of requests when you have a project coming out that needs to be promoted. This particular magazine issue was about bodies: how to love your body, how to have body confidence, and how to keep yourself healthy.
It was a very strange day. I was standing in front of a camera lens in my underwear and holding my breasts, all while trying to appear not sexy but confident, not flirtatious but gleamingly positive. Aside from the fact that I had just given birth six weeks prior and was not feeling my physical best, I was still recovering from the overwhelming flattery that someone other than my husband would want to see me topless.
It all made me start thinking about this body that I'm in. And what it has been through. And suddenly this bizarre invitation became an opportunity to share some insight from my experience of being diagnosed with, receiving treatment for, and eventually learning to cure my cancer.
Now, anyone who has been diagnosed with cancer or even known someone who has been diagnosed with cancer is aware of its total mental, physical, and emotional possession. Hell, even if you haven't been closely affected, I'm sure you can easily conceptualize the thundercloud of shit that rains down on you.
I found myself in the center of such a storm in the spring of 2008, when I was 25. Just when your ovaries should be brimming with youthful follicles, cancerous cells overtook mine, threatening to end my fertility and potentially my life. My fertility hadn't even crossed my mind at this point. Again: I was 25. Life was pretty simple. But suddenly it was all I could think about.
I've always wanted to have kids. I was a fantastic babysitter in my youth. I did the dishes, I was good at finding ways to get kids to eat healthy snacks, and I hid in the places where none of my charges could seek. All the neighborhood mothers wanted me, wanted me bad. Even among my group of friends, I was "the maternal one." I was the girlfriend who told you to pass on that last drink when you had already had too many and held the hair out of your face when you did not listen. So eventual mommyhood was something I very much thought was in my future. And now I was being told it was most likely not a possibility to create my own children. It felt grossly unfair.
Just before I was diagnosed, I had felt like something was off. My energy was low, I was just so tired all the time, and I felt a constant pressure on my abdomen that I could not explain. I listened to my body and immediately went to my gynecologist. She referred me to an oncologist at Cedars Sinai in Los Angeles who is an angel and helped me to put my fears aside and take action.
When I asked her what I could do to control these cells that had decided to take over my organs without my consent, she told me I shouldn't smoke or do drugs, and I should try to eat healthy. This was not a problem. Granted, I was two weeks away from going under the knife to remove tumors from both my ovaries, so there was really not a lot beyond surgical intervention that could be done at that point. Keeping that in mind, I knew that there had to be something I could do naturally to help my body recover and fight off this disease.
Thus began the strangest, most bizarrely educational four months of my life.
I went RAW. I forced myself into a devastating breakup with cheese and carbohydrates (fortunately, we are now giving our relationship another chance, but we will never be what we once were). I started meditating. I was constantly in a yoga studio. I went to energy healers who evaporated black smoke from my lower body. OK … sure! … right? I went to a cleansing retreat in the desert where I didn't eat for eight days and experienced hunger-driven hallucinations. I read so many books (Crazy Sexy Cancer, by Kris Carr, was one of the best). I went to crystal healers. Kinesiologists. Acupuncturists. Naturopaths. Therapists. Hormone therapists. Chiropractors. Dietitians. Ayurvedic practitioners …
I really wish I could tell you what particular combination of these things, along with multiple surgeries, eventually gave me a clean bill of health. I wish everyone had access to all these treatments. I am aware of my situation, that I was incredibly fortunate to have had the means to explore any and all options. The good news is that these options are out there. You can do the research and find many different ways to help your body heal itself.
Thankfully, gratefully, cancer did not get the best of me. The best of me now lives on in my two little women, baby girls I was lucky enough to be able to make with my own body.
So now that I'm on the other side of this, I feel like it is my duty, even if it means posing topless, to spread awareness. Since my article in Women's Health came out, I have had so many conversations with women about their own battles with cancer, and it feels so empowering to open up this dialogue and learn from each other. But the thing is, I don't know if I will ever be free of my cancer — or, to be more specific, free from the fear of my cancer's return. Still, it has become for many people a livable disease, something that you learn to manage. And that's what I have done.
It has taken a lot of patience with myself to get to where I am today. I am learning that in life it is OK to travel in darkness, not knowing what your next move is. I don't allow the stress of the unknown to affect my health, and I listen to my body when it sends me distress signals. I wish that we as women spent as much time on the well-being of our insides as we do with our looks on the outside. If you are going through something like this, I urge you to look at all your options. To ask questions. To learn as much as you can about your diagnosis. To breathe. To ask for help. To cry and to fight.
Cobie Smulders is in the present trying to enjoy every moment of life in New York City. | | | | | | | | | | | | Soar Like an Eagle | | | | By Daisy Ridley | | |
| (Photo by Asher Svidensky, Courtesy of Sony Pictures Classics) |
In the frigid steppe, generations of Mongolia's Kazakh minority have been training eagles to help them hunt. These eagle hunters have always been men, until now: Thirteen-year-old Aisholpan is changing all that. Aisholpan's father believes she can do anything her brothers can do, even though there's been pushback from the older generation of hunters about her groundbreaking skill.
The documentary The Eagle Huntress follows Aisholpan as she captures and trains an eagle and travels to the Golden Eagle Festival to compete against exclusively male hunters. The film is narrated by the actress Daisy Ridley, of Star Wars fame, who spoke to Aisholpan for Lenny about why she wanted to be an eagle hunter, what it was like to be the first girl at the festival, and her dreams for the future.
Daisy Ridley: Why did you want to be an eagle hunter?
Aisholpan: From a very small age, I wanted to do this. Because I was helping my father when he was training his eagle, and I loved to go with him in the mountains when he was hunting eagles.
DR: Did anyone else at the school that you went to while the film was being shot want to be an eagle hunter?
A: After I became an eagle hunter, everyone thought it was really cool, and they asked me if they could be eagle hunters too. They want to know how they can keep eagles at home, what they eat.
DR: How was it when you first caught the eagle? How did it feel?
A: I was sure I could get the eagle on the first time because my father was an expert and we were watching it so closely. We knew the exact time we could catch it.
| (Photo by Asher Svidensky, Courtesy of Sony Pictures Classics) |
DR: Is your eagle a female? Because I've heard that female eagles are easier to catch than males — is that true?
A: Usually females are bigger and more aggressive and stronger, so that's why we only hunt female eagles.
DR: Who looks after your eagle when you're not there?
A: My older brother. He was also an eagle hunter — he trained his own eagle, but he stopped doing it after he joined the army.
DR: I know you want to be a doctor. Was that always your dream?
A: Always. I decided to become a doctor because when I was smaller, my mother was always getting sick.
DR: What was it like to be the only girl at the Golden Eagle Festival?
A: Because traditionally everyone who is doing this activity is a boy, it's very funny for them. But because there's been such a big deal out of the fact that I'm a girl, it's become normalized a little, which is interesting to hear.
DR: How did the whole family feel about being filmed?
A: The first time it was a little bit uncomfortable for them, but then we just learned how to ignore the cameras. We are from a very small group of people in the western part of Mongolia. We live around big, high mountains where eagle hunting is a tradition, and we're so happy to be able to bring our lives to the world.
This interview has been condensed and edited.
Daisy Ridley is an English actress who starred as Rey in Star Wars: The Force Awakens and served as an executive producer and narrator on the documentary The Eagle Huntress. | | | | | | | | | | | | Adventures of Lesbian Cattle Dogs | | | | By Lydia Conklin | | |
Lydia Conklin is the 2015–2017 Creative Writing Fellow in fiction at Emory University. She has received a Pushcart Prize, and her fiction has appeared in The Southern Review, The Gettysburg Review, Narrative Magazine, and elsewhere. | | | | | | | | | | | | Two Salads and a Quiche | | | | By Molly Neuman | | | |
| (All illustrations by Ngaio Parr) |
I'm not a vegetarian anymore, but I'm sort of a maniac about making vegetable-centered meals — when I was in a touring band I ended up eating a lot of bread and cheese, so now I get really excited by new and classic combinations. Eight years ago I went to cooking school at the Natural Gourmet Institute and knew then that even if I didn't pursue a career change to the culinary arts, the worst case was I'd be a better cook at home and maybe have a backup plan to get a job if the world turned upside down and I needed to get out of the music business entirely. Now I have a full-time job and a toddler, so the best time to really experiment is on vacation. Recently we were on a trip to Tybee Island, Georgia, and got shut in one day due to an unwelcome visit from Hurricane Hermine. The upside was I had time to crank out some special dishes. They're all pretty easy but very satisfying. Give them a try!
Corn, Cucumber, Tomato, and Avocado Salad with Tarragon-Sherry Vinaigrette
Serves 4 to 6
This salad is so easy and so refreshing — it's really just chop, mix, and go. It's perfect for a meal on its own or as a sharp accompaniment to something else.
Ingredients
2 ears grilled corn, kernels removed
1 large cucumber, peeled, seeded, and cubed
2 medium heirloom tomatoes, cubed
1 ripe avocado, cubed
Vinaigrette
2 sprigs tarragon, minced
1 tablespoon sherry vinegar
3 tablespoons olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste
In a large bowl, combine vegetables, and set aside. In a separate, small bowl, combine tarragon and sherry vinegar, and slowly add olive oil to emulsify. Add salt and pepper to taste. When you're ready to serve, combine vinaigrette and vegetables, and serve within 20 to 30 minutes.
Barley Salad with Green Beans, Criminis, and Scallions, with Tamari, Rice-Vinegar, and Sesame-Oil Vinaigrette
Serves 4 to 6
A few weeks ago we made a trip up to Blue Hill at Stone Barns and had a wonderful lunch in the café there. This salad was inspired by one we had that featured hen-of-the-woods, shiitake, and another kind of mushroom. This is a simpler version, using criminis, but you can certainly use any mushrooms you like.
Because barley is so sturdy, this salad is perfect for a picnic or packed lunches. Store in an airtight container, and it should stay fresh and delicious in your fridge for a few days.
Ingredients
2 cups cooked barley
1 cup cooked sliced green beans
½ cup sautéed crimini mushrooms
½ cup sliced scallions
Vinaigrette
1 tablespoon tamari
1 tablespoon rice vinegar
1 tablespoon sesame oil
3 tablespoons olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste
For best results, soak barley overnight, drain, rinse, and cook in 3 cups of water with a pinch of salt for about an hour. Drain and set aside to cool. Once cool, add vegetables and mix thoroughly. Combine vinaigrette ingredients, and season to taste. Pour into barley and vegetables, combine thoroughly, and serve!
Sweet-Onion, Emmentaler, and Thyme Quiche
Serves 4 to 6
Quiches are a great way to incorporate vegetables and protein in a dish. Once you get the hang of the method, it's pretty easy! If you're not up for making pie crust, using premade crust or puff pastry can work well too. Fresh spring onions in the summer are perfect, but leeks or shallots would make a great substitute.
Ingredients
Pie Crust
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 stick butter
1 pinch salt
6 tablespoons ice water
Pie Filling
2 tablespoons olive oil
3 medium spring onions
2 tablespoons thyme
2 teaspoons salt
3 eggs
1 teaspoon pepper
½ cup whole milk
5 slices Emmentaler cheese
For crust, my go-to recipe is Mark Bittman's because it's so easy to remember: 1 cup flour and 1 stick of butter, ice water, a pinch of salt, and a little more flour when you're rolling it out. I leave out the sugar for savory crusts.
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees after you've chilled the dough, rolled it, and chilled it again. Blind-bake it in the oven to get a bit of color and crispness on the crust. Reduce oven to 375 degrees. Set aside as you prepare the filling.
In a medium sauté pan, heat the olive oil and sauté the onions until slightly caramelized, about 15 to 20 minutes. Add 1 tablespoon of thyme and 1 teaspoon of salt. Combine, then remove to a bowl and let cool.
In a separate bowl, beat the eggs. Add 1 tablespoon of thyme, 1 teaspoon of salt, the pepper, and the milk, and combine thoroughly.
Once the crust and onion mixture are cooled, add the onion mixture to the crust, cover with the slices of cheese, and pour the egg mixture over the top. Return to the oven, and bake for 15 minutes. Rotate 180 degrees, bake for another 15 minutes, test for firmness, and remove if firm. For an extra bit of color, put it under the broiler for 30 to 60 seconds.
Let cool for at least 30 minutes, slice, and serve with a fresh green salad. Absolutely satisfying and easy to adapt the filling to whatever you like!
Molly Neuman is head of music at Kickstarter, a late-blooming mom to a fabulous two-and-a-half-year-old, and a punk forever. She lives in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, with her husband, Alex, her daughter, Lucia, and her two kitty children, Ayoba and Zakumi. In a former life, she was a member of Bratmobile, the Frumpies, and the Pee-Chees. | | | | | | | | | | | | November Lennyscopes | | | | By Melissa Broder | | |
SCORPIO
(October 23 to November 21)
It's kind of a sad feeling when you realize that nothing is coming to rescue you and you have to be your own rescuer. But maybe rescue is less about pushing so hard and more about realizing that you're actually already safe and good right where you are. Hope you have a great birthday.
SAGITTARIUS
(November 22 to December 21)
For the past few years people seem to be getting more interested in the moon: the #supermoon, the #bloodmoon, the #eclipse. I'm here to tell you it's less about what is actually going on with the moon and more about what you think is going on with the moon. You can do a full-moon ceremony at any time, even when it looks like there's nothing in the sky.
CAPRICORN
(December 22 to January 19)
It's not your fears but your fear of your fears that's tripping you up. Without the extra layer of self-induced worry, condemnation, and even hyper-examination, your fears can just pass like clouds in the sky or some shit.
AQUARIUS
(January 20 to February 18)
A gentle reminder that the Buddha and Jesus, and most religions, are mostly saying the same thing, and likely it points to selflessness as the path to a better life. The same might be said for other people with different political affiliations, opinions, or ideas than you. Scarily, you have more in common than you do separating you. And self-righteousness isn't cute, even in the most righteous people.
PISCES
(February 19 to March 20)
People are trying to sell you something, and they are doing it by creating a feeling of need, like you are less than you could be without it. They're stoking the part of you that already might not feel like enough. But there's nothing you can acquire that will make you whole, and wholeness might not even be something to strive for anyway.
ARIES
(March 21 to April 19)
This month, may you be protected from all you think you want, a gaze that looks sideways at what other people appear to have, the one who shows up in your dreams but is only really good for you there, and social media. Amen.
TAURUS
(April 20 to May 20)
My friend Darcie is a Taurus and has a crush on a Libra, and she asked if this month Libra can fall in love with Taurus. This month a Libra will fall in love with you! Also, astrology can be as bullshit as that, so don't pay too much attention to what any other astrologers tell you. They don't know.
GEMINI
(May 21 to June 20)
The need to have patience is like the worst shit ever, and you don't do well with waiting or gray areas. You can spend the time expecting the worst possible scenario, which feels like a way of protecting yourself from future pain because you'll have already predicted it if it happens. But you can't predict everything. And what about the pain you're already in?
CANCER
(June 21 to July 22)
The will of the universe is never urgent. If you don't believe in a guiding creative intelligence or a sentient universe, that's cool. Just keep in mind this month that when you feel like you have to make something happen immediately, that's actually the time to pull back.
LEO
(July 23 to August 22)
Remember how much fun the points of your life you feel so nostalgic for now were? You actually weren't having as much fun as you remember. You weren't a static image but a human being with conflicting feelings, doubts, and the confusion that comes with existing. The same will be true in twenty years when you look back fondly at where you are now — even if at the moment you think you only feel the confusion.
VIRGO
(August 23 to September 22)
I hate to break it to you, but your idea of perfection is skewed. That's because there is no real objective template for perfection, and what you consider perfect is a false idea built on warped shit from your childhood (don't worry, we all have warped shit from our childhood). Think of perfection as more like art. It's actually a very subjective thing and really just about making something cool with that warped shit.
LIBRA
(September 23 to October 22)
Everything is terrible. And then things are fine. And then everything is terrible and will never be anything other than terrible. Then everything is amazing. Being a human being is truly crazy, and none of us can avoid pain, but the ones who maybe suffer a little less are those who remember that everything changes.
Melissa Broder is the author of four collections of poems, including Last Sext (Tin House 2016), as well as So Sad Today, a book of essays from Grand Central. | | | | | | | | | | | | | | The email newsletter where there's no such thing as too much information.
From Lena Dunham + Jenni Konner. | | | | | | | |  |  | | |
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