News Reporter: My Relationship Ended in Flames

Friday, 13 July 2018

My Relationship Ended in Flames

On my ex-girlfriend, the wildland firefighter.
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Verity Slade

Every Friday during July, we’ll be getting into issues that are too damn hot — blazing emotions, summer heat, fiery career paths, and more. This week, Lydia Conklin tells the story of her ex-girlfriend who was a wildland firefighter. To read last week’s essay, click here.

Old Flame

By Lydia Conklin

Panel 2: I thought I was dating this girl, Sheila, but then she set me up with her ex. Sheila: Hey, Lydia! I think you’ll like Joan better than me. Lydia: Oh. Panel 3: Joan and I kissed for the first time to the 100 percent least sexy song in all of human history. Background music: A-B-C, it’s easy as 1-2-3. Panel 4: I got so drunk that I hardly remembered the kiss. Both my foster dog, Maralynn, and I barfed the next morning. Lydia (to dog): Yours looks like cottage cheese. Panel 5: Joan called to see how I was feeling and offered to stick me with an IV. Lydia: That sounds scary. Joan: But it’s the best hangover cure! Panel 6: I became more intrigued by Joan when I learned she was a wildland firefighter for half the year, out in Klamath Falls, Oregon. Lydia: Whoa, like you fight fires? Joan: Yeah. Lydia: Like actual fires? Joan: Yeah. Lydia: Like in houses? Joan: No. Lydia: Like in buildings? Joan: No. Panel 7: I soon noticed that her palms were a grayish color, which concerned me because of where they went. Lydia: Um, what is that? Joan: It’s ash. Panel 8: She insisted that the ash was “super embedded” in her “deepest pores” and could never be washed off. Joan: Hey, come over here. Lydia: Maybe in a minute. Panel 9: But finally I forced her to wash her hands in front of me, and the ash came right off. Joan: Oh. Weird. Panel 10: She lived in Brooklyn in a desolate gap between neighborhoods, in the shadow of Woodhull Hospital. Her apartment building had been condemned and gutted after an incurable bedbug infestation. Lydia: Um, does this place have heat? Joan: No. Lydia: Do you have a blanket? Joan: My cat sorta died on it, and I haven’t washed it yet. Panel 11: But we stayed up for hours every night as she told me all about fire season. Lydia: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen? Joan: Animals falling out of trees as the fire came, like snakes and rats. Lydia: Have you ever gotten injured? Joan: I have a permanent bruise on my ass from carrying my ax and shit. Lydia: What if the flames overtake you? Joan: They give you this pouch you can hide inside. Lydia: Does that work? Joan: Actually, no. Panel 12: She told me about all the guys on the crew, and this local girl who slept with all of them — including Joan. Joan: She stuck her tongue out like this before she kissed me. Lydia: Cool! Panel 13: I wanted to come with her to Klamath Falls in the spring, but she pushed to stay with me in Brooklyn. Joan: I don’t need to fight fires anymore. Lydia: But it’s who you are! It’s YOU. Panel 14: I think she knew we’d break up out there if I followed her. But the firefighter girl was who I loved. Joan: If you want to go West, we can drive my Bronco home from Santa Cruz. Lydia: YES. Panel 15: I’d never been west of Wisconsin. Together, we drove the ancient truck through California and the Southwest, surviving on Joan’s pre-packaged rations from the last fire season. Joan: I love vegetable omelet, because it’s the yuckiest. Lydia: It’s like congealed sap. Panel 16: We ran out of water on a brutal desert hike, were almost struck by a rattlesnake, and slept through a savage windstorm. Every day was scalding. Lydia: It’s so hot. We must’ve slept till noon! Joan: It’s six a.m. Panel 17: Our relationship died after that sweltering, endless trip. There was nothing left to talk about, somehow, after she started her new life in Brooklyn. But I still think of her out there, fighting fires, though she isn’t anymore.

Lydia Conklin is a writer and cartoonist who’s received two Pushcart Prizes, fellowships from MacDowell, Yaddo, and Emory University, and lives in New Jersey.

News Reporter

Friday, 13 July 2018

My Relationship Ended in Flames

Old Flame

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